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"Tell the chef, the beer is on me."
no thats all
i may not have the hottest body or the clearest skin or the softest hair or the prettiest eyes or the cutest laugh or the perfect smile or the best morals or the biggest goals or the highest grades or the most friends or the largest amount of control or the nicest attitude
This drives me mad. I used to work in a bookstore, and was talking to my coworker and he just yelled out “stop flirting with me!” at this ridiculous volume and it was humiliating because
1. I wasn’t
2. I got in trouble for acting unprofessional
3. He embarrassed me in front of a line of people
4. And he only stopped insisting that I was flirting when my boyfriend (who is now my husband) said, “dude, trust me, she’s not flirting with you” to him
That asshole respected my BOYFRIEND saying I wasn’t flirting more than he respected me saying it and I was the one who was talking! The whole scene got me in trouble at work. And the most ridiculous part is we were talking about a fucking book. In a bookstore.
One time, my ex boyfriend had a crush on some girl, and said that he thought he might have “a chance” with her.
When I asked him what made him think that, he said “Well, she talks to me.”
And this is why it is so difficult to be a girl and be friends with men who are attracted to women.
Can we also add that this is why a lot of women do the resting bitch face when out in public. Cause dudes swear a glance or a smile is flirting.
So yesterday something that perfectly illustrates this happened. I work at a fast food place and this guy comes in at 7am on a Sunday, still probably drunk from the night before, and when I smiled and said goodmorning he said “Did you just say that because you’re being paid to say that?”
I repressed my urge to sarcastically answer, and said “Nope, I just enjoy saying hi to everyone!” To which he responded, “Oh, so you weren’t flirting with me then.”
Dude, I’m not flirting with your gross 7am-on-a-Sunday-ass, trust me.
My defense mechanism when I’m uncomfortable at work is to smile, so I did that and said “Is there anything I can get you this morning?” to which he responded,
“There, you just smiled! What does that mean?”
At this point I was fed up, so I said,
“I smile at everyone sir, its just what I do. What can I get you, coffee, a bagel?”
And he said “I’m gonna be watching to see if you smile at everyone. I don’t like it when girls lie to me” and then ordered a coffee and a muffin like he hadn’t just said something at 11 on the “Is this guy a serial rapist” scale (where 0 is ‘no’ and 10 is ‘Yes, run away as fast as you can right now.”).
Then he sat there for another hour and a half, staring at me from his table. When he got up and left he came back to the counter, and said “You do smile at everyone. That’s fucked up.” and walked out.
I can’t even be innocuously polite and pleasant to people at my job (where customer service is the number one thing we are supposed to be focusing on) for fear of this shit happening. What happens if he had decided to wait until my shift was over?
New Rule: If she’s at work, SHE’S NOT FLIRTING WITH YOU.
You may be as different as the sun and the moon, but the same blood flows through both your hearts. You need her, as she needs you.
I was at the library the other day, and my daughter was playing at the Art Table with two other girls. One of the little girls’ mother was near by and said “Aren’t you girls good little artists!”
And the third girl perked up and said “My dad’s an artist!”
The woman smiled indulgently and says “Oh really, what kind?”
The little girl proudly told her “He’s a tattoo artist.”
And the woman. Oh man. Her face just twists, crumples into something nothing short of disdain, and she opens her mouth and says “That’s not…”
“An easy job,” I cut in, looking the woman in the face because really? You’re going to tell a child her dad’s not a real artist. “In fact it’s very very hard, because that art is alive forever on a person, not like on paper. And that’s scary! You have to be really good, to be a tattoo artist. Your dad must be really, really good.”
what kind of person could just try and crush a little kid like that? goddamn.
basically it goes down like this
bilbo’s definitely not complaining
now i shall look at you through this like a wedding veil
now master burglar baggins allow me to help you put on this shirt even though you are 100% capable of doing it yourself because i’m definitely not trying to ogle you me never why would you think that
thorin. his eyes are up there.
seriously. thorin. there are children here. HAVE YOU ANY SHAME. DO YOU REALISE HOW SCANDILISED DORI IS. DO YOU. BALIN IS FAR TOO OLD TO WITNESS SUCH OBSCENITIES.
“OH MAHAL THEY’RE FINALLY GONNA DO IT”
gotta love how all the other dwarves all immediately stop what they’re doing and start staring
too bad they don’t have any popcorn
i’m not gonna even get into fili’s smirk
and then there’s bilbo who is as usual cute and oblivious
“take it master baggins, as a gift of friendship”
that is the look
the look that says “WILL YOU ALL STFU I AM TRYING TO WOO A HOBBIT HERE”
"Tell the chef, the beer is on me."
"Basically the price of a night on the town!"
"I'd love to help kickstart continued development! And 0 EUR/month really does make fiscal sense too... maybe I'll even get a shirt?" (there will be limited edition shirts for two and other goodies for each supporter as soon as we sold the 200)